


Empty

by Juzanya



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Pain, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23757232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juzanya/pseuds/Juzanya
Summary: "Kanda,""...""Have you ever felt like you were never good enough? That whatever you do leads to pain and leaves you numb? Empty?"◇ ◇ ◇ ◇Allen has been left alone, ignored. Everyone either ignores his existence or don't even bother with him. Yet only a handful of exorcists and friends are willing to notice him. But what if Allen feels like enough is enough and turns to the only person who's willing to treat him like, well, him.Or will it be too late.
Relationships: Yullen - Relationship
Comments: 19
Kudos: 165





	1. Chapter 1

Allen woke up normally, groggy from the night before, seeing that all his friends started to ignore him slowly and one by one. Most would just not even look his way whenever he passed the finders, exorcists, and some of the people he'd call friends. After weeks of this kind of treatment towards him, Allen started to close off from everyone he was close to and kept to his own self, but when lunch came around Allen immediately made his way to the great hall and up to Jerry.

"Allen that's my favorite exorcist! You better not be eating less than what you're normally used to or you'll give me a heart attack!" Jerry, the head Chief, pointed at Allen with his spatula as he ushered the boy to eat more and more.

"Sorry to worry you like that Jerry, you know how it is for us exorcists finding time to sit down and eat," Allen answered, with a smile on his lips. Jerry was one of the few people Allen still let in and he was grateful he did because everyone knew that Jerry was an outstanding cook.

"It's alright my boy." Jerry gave him a small smile, "You decided to eat here this time?" The cook asked, leaning against the counter.

Allen sighed, he knew Jerry was observant and understood his situation so sometimes Allen would eat alone in an empty room that he knew others wouldn't go in or just sit in the corner of the great hall and eat alone.

"I won't be staying,"

"Mhm, alright my boy I already packed your food so take it and be off, although I expect you to eat every last drop of this," Jerry pointed at the food cart that had food packed for him and ready to go.

"I will and thank you," Allen replied, pushing the cart and out of the great hall and into a room that was vacant of people. He saw an empty, broken down sofa and so he made his way to it, plopped down and sighed. He started to play with the bangs of his hair he noticed that it has grown since a while and now came to reach his shoulders so sometimes he'd just tie it back into a small ponytail, leaving his long bangs to cover most of his face.

Allen sat up straight and started eating his food silently. As he reached for the last container of food he noticed that the door was slightly starting open and saw that a certain longhaired exorcist walked in.

"Che' Moyashi what are you doing here?"

Allen stiffened but returned to finish his last container of food.

"Eating. what's it look like?" Allen asked clearly annoyed. His bangs hid his face so Kanda couldn't see the emotion on his face.

"Why aren't you with Usagi or Lenalee?" Kanda asked, closing the door behind him and laying against the wall with his arms crossed.

"Didn't feel like it," Allen replied with a shrug as he pushed the cart away from him and threw the last container of food away. He plopped back down on the sofa, head back against the pillows as he closed his eyes and placed an arm over them.

He could feel Kanda staring holes in him but kept his mouth shut. After what felt like forever he heard Kanda move off the wall and felt the other end of the sofa dip a little from the man's weight as he sat down. Allen picked up his head and looked at Kanda in surprise.

"Uh..."

"What is it Moyashi?" Kanda barked out.

Allen just eyed him for a while but decided to say nothing as he took up his earlier position on the couch. The room was filled with a comfortable silence only sound left was Timcampy fluttering around Allen and nesting on his head.

"Hey bud," Allen opened his eyes and smiled as he moved his arm and started to gently stroke Tim. He laughed when Tim started to nibble on his finger.

"Allen Walker"

Allen moved his head and sat up straight seeing a Finder standing before him.

"Yes?"

"Komui has a mission for you and needs you in his office," the Finder replied. Allen gave a small nod and the Finder left, leaving Kanda and him alone once again.

"Come on Tim," Allen looked up at his fellow friend who had flown off of Allen when he moved, "mission calls." Timcampy starts to flap around Allen making the boy laugh as the golden golem nuzzles against Kanda's head.

"Look Kanda he likes you!" Allen starts to laugh. Kanda grunts and tried to get Tim off of him but it was futile, to say the least.

"Moyashi get this damned thing off of me," Kanda exclaimed. Allen only laughed harder making Kanda frown grow worse.

"Alright, alright. Tim come here!" Allen laughed softly as Tim flew over to him and sat on his shoulder.

"Next time he does that Mugen will make sure he can't fly again," Kanda sneered, glaring at Allen's golem.

"Oh shut it, Kanda you're scaring him,"

"Che'"

Allen laughs one last time before standing up and grabbing the cart. He turned back towards Kanda and smiled, "see you whenever Kanda!" He waved goodbye and left, pushing the cart with him and leaving it in the great hall as he made his way to Komui's office.

He walked alone through the hallways and he suddenly felt tired. His mask was off and his true emotions shown through.

"God Tim what have I gotten myself in to?" He asked his only friend who'd listen.

"I mean they're ignoring me! Lavi, Lenalee, Krory! All of them! Well besides Kanda but still!" Allen ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"When did my home become my prison?" He asked, sighing. He took a turn and bumped into someone. Saying a small apology, Allen put his mask back on and looked at the person. It was Chaoji.

"Noah scum! Your lucky that you're only useful because you control the Ark!" Chaoji bumped his shoulder hard resulting in Allen backing up. Chaoji's harsh words got to him but what can he expect, all his life he's been giving harsh comments because of what he has and what he is.

Tim began to float against his face, nuzzling his cheek and snapping Allen out of his dark thoughts. He continued his way down to Komui's office and received his mission. He is to go to a small town and check for Akuma sightings. Finders will be with him and his partner was Chaoji.

As Allen walked out of the head scientists' office his hands clenched into fists and he was shaking with rage, but he had to mask it all. His true emotions so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone's backlash, yet his heart was slowly breaking and his friends ignoring him along with Choajis constant comments he feels like he's about to break down.

"Let's go Timcampy," Allen's voice was filled with coldness and his eyes empty of emotion. He made his way to the room he was previously in with Kanda. As he got there he noticed that Kanda was sprawled out on the sofa with one leg handing off the sofa and the other not, while an arm was placed over his eyes and Mugen placed against the sofa so if anyone was to annoy him he'd grab the sword swiftly.

Allen was surprised at the scene playing before him. He thought about leaving the room and not disturbing Kanda but he knew no one would dare step foot in this room without getting slashed by Kanda. So he decided to stay. He had till the afternoon to get ready because his departure was at midnight. He sat down against the sofa on the floor, making sure not to disturb the samurai.

"Timcampy," Allen smiled when he saw Tim land on his lap and showing the lyrics to the song of the Fourteenth that only he could understand. He stared at the rotating symbols in sadness as he began to hum the song not knowing that a certain somebody was listening.

He began to softly sing the words to the song, sadness taking over his voice as he hung his head low. His hair covering half his face and moving over his shoulder. 

***

Allen soon walked back to his room and started to pack for his mission which he would be leaving in an hour. He packed light, knowing that the mission wouldn't take but a day and no more unless complications arose. Tim sat on his shoulder giving Allen some sort of comfort for what's to come. 

"All set Timcampy," Allen said, petting the small golden golem, "let us hope that this mission won't take too long." The small golem replied by fluttering above him in circles, making Allen laugh at the silliness. He grabbed his luggage and made his way towards the station. As he arrived he saw Chaoji with a frown upon his face. The Finders nervously trying to avoid the man by talking amongst themselves a few feet away from him. One of the Finders turned around, a smile on his face as he saw Allen approaching.

"Allen you've made it!" Allen laughed and waved at them as they waved back. Chaoji walked over to Allen and pushed him roughly, "get your scrawny ass in that train before I kill you myself!" he sneered walking back near the train, grabbing his belonging and entering the train. A few Finders have followed suit but the ones who weren't checked to see how Allen was doing. 

"It's fine guys, really..." Allen smiled and walked on board the train with the few Finders trailing behind him just as the whistle blew and the train started moving. Allen walked to the compartment he and Chaoji would be staring. He opened the sliding door seeing Chaoji was already inside, eyes closed and head against the window. He walked in and put his belonging above them and decided to sit down across Chaoji, which who had opened his eyes as soon as Allen closed the sliding door. 

"You really are a nobody," Chaoji began, making Allen glance at him, "even your so-called "friends" decided to abandon you. Ha! They must have finally decided that you are just a tool for them to use," 

Allen not once breaking his mask replied, "Chaoji you sound a little jealous if you ask me. I may be a tool but I am a useful one," 

Chaoji reacted by jumping on Allen and grabbing his hair pulling roughly, "at least everyone doesn't treat me like filth! You are a Noah and using the Ark just proves it! You aren't useful at all! You're just an ignorant kid with no family to go home to!" Chaoji let go of Allen's hair and roughly pushed him against the wall behind him, "your life is meaningless!" Chaoji let go of Allen and sat back down. Allen looked as emotionless as always, sighed standing up and leaving the compartment. He walked to the back of the train and opened the door to the outside, closing it behind him and grabbing the railing that prevented people from falling off. 

He dug inside his pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes, lighting on and taking a long drag of the cancer stick and letting a puff out. He never smoked around the Order, only when he knew he was truly alone then he would but other than that he would decide against it. 

Timcampy had followed him and was now nibbling on his ear, annoyingly because the little golem hated seeing his master and friend sad and lonely. Even if the golem couldn't say anything Allen always understood him and right then and there Allen chuckled brokenly, pressing his cheek against the golem and nuzzling it lightly.

"I know Tim, I know," Allen replied taking another long drag of the cancer stick, looking up at the sky above him in sadness. His mask had fallen and tears were escaping his dull silver eyes, once beautiful glowing with happiness and hope.

"Timcampy, would anyone truly not care if I were to disappear?" He asked his small companion. Timcampy replied by nibbling softly on his cheek, trying to brighten the boy's spirit up and it did but just not so much.

"..." 

Allen discarded the cancer stick and looked down at the railings that were moving fast because of the train, "if I were to do it would anyone care?" Timcampy reacted fluttering behind the boy and pulling on his shirt to pull him away from the railing. Allen laughed, hollowly, "of course how can I forget. You are the only one I need to cheer me up," He grabbed Timcampy and pet him.

"Let go back inside," 

*** 

It had taken longer than a day for the mission to be completed and when Chaoji, Allen and the Finders arrived at the Order, everyone was shocked to notice how pale Allen had looked. Dark circles could be seen under the boy's eyes and his eyes were getting duller and duller as days passed. The Finders that had been on the mission with them were bruised up, Chaoji has small scratches but nothing major. Allen looked like the dead and yet no one decided to ask if he was alright or anything. 

Chaoji had also been emotionally and mentally messing with Allen for the whole mission and that caused the boy to neglect his hunger and sleep scared that the moment he closed his eyes wither nightmares would appear or Chaoji would attack him when he was vulnerable.

"Welcome back! Make sure to write Komui a report of how the mission went!" One of the scientists there shouted and left everyone to go and get some much-needed sleep and food. Allen had already snuck away without being noticed and went to his room, dropping all his luggage and plopped on his bed, darkness taking him the moment his head touched the pillow. The next morning he had completed his report and handed it to Komui, skipping breakfast which might not be such a good idea, seeing that he might give Jerry a heart attack but he decided he'll just eat later. 

He walked to one of the empty rooms in the Order that was rarely ever used, opened the window slightly and grabbed a cancer stick from his pocket and lit it. 

"Never took you for someone who smokes," Allen whipped his around so fast he was surprised he still had his head attached to his neck. Kanda stood at the entrance of the room, the door closed as he walked towards the boy and stood across from him, back against the wall.

"You'll find out I'm full of surprises," Allen replied taking a drag and breathing out a puff of smoke that swirled above him and disappeared out the window.

"You missed breakfast," Kanda started.

Allen turned to gaze at the samurai and smiled, "are you worried about me?" 

"Che' you gave Jerry a heart attack today,"

Allen chuckled, lowly taking another drag of the cancer stick, "I guess that is a problem. Jerry cares about his food going to waste."

"That's not the only thing he cares about and we both know it Moyashi."

Allen dropped the cancer stick on the ground and stepping on it. He leaned against the wall hands behind his back, "hmm..."

Kanda looked at the boy and saw how badly his features were. Deep down Kanda was worried for him but on the surface, it didn't look like he did but that was just how he was. 

"Kanda, can I ask you a question? One that was kinda personal?" 

"You just asked a question baka," Kanda replied. Allen, chuckling as he shook his head. "You really are a Bakanda," He laughed.

"Kanda," 

"..."

"What would you do if..." Allen turned his head, looking directly into Kanda's steel eyes and leaning his head against the wall behind him, "..if you know the world is against you and the only way to escape it is to disappear?"


	2. Chapter 2

That morning Allen left Kanda to his mind. He returned to his room, falling backward onto his bed, letting out a frustrated sigh. He wanted alone time and thanked whatever god out there when no one decided to bother him the whole day.

As the evening came Allen then noticed the growling in his stomach. He grunted, annoyed that he had to go to the great hall and have eyes staring at him with every step he took. As he made it to the grand hall, he 0ushed the doors open and felt anxiety well up in the pit of his stomach. Everyone went silent and eyes were on him, he sighed turning his gaze to Jerry who was waving a spatula in the air and signaling for him to approach, which he did.

"ALLEN HOW COULD YOU! HOW COULD YOU GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK LIKE THAT?!" Jerry cried out.

Allen tensed up, "sorry Jerry," he said sincerely.

"No, no, no! You will not skip breakfast again or I will personally make it my mission to seek you out!" Jerry warned, pointing the spatula at Allen, who shrieked back in terror.

Putting his hands up in a surrendering pose, Allen smiled, "I won't miss breakfast again Jerry! Come on. I had important things to do," Allen moved his hands down whining, knowing Jerry would probably catch on. Probably.

"Tsk, tsk whatever the reason is my boy, make sure you can have some decent amount if food. Look at you," he waved his spatula up and down, pointing at Allen, "you've gotten skinnier! You need to eat more!"

All the ruckus had brought everyone's attention to the two, which Allen clearly didn't want happening. But how can he stop a friend from worrying about his well being? He sighed, placing a hand on Jerry's wrist, which few were scared to do.

"Jerry calm down I'm here now."

Jerry lowered his spatula a sad expression looking back at Allen, "my boy has it really been that bad? You look like death," Jerry pointed out. Going back to finish Allen's last piece of food.

Allen tensed but relaxed after sighing, lowering his mask a little for Jerry to take a peek. And what he saw made him drop his spatula, clattering against the countertop.

"..."

Allen closed his dull eyes and when he opened them the mask was back on, taking Jerry by surprise. He truly hurt for the boy more than anyone at the Order because he understood Allen. He understood that inside the boy was still lost and afraid of the world. Afraid for it leaving him alone without anyone to turn to. Around the Order, Jerry began to see everyone ignoring Allen like he was never there. Everyone would pass by him without a second glance, but there were only a handful of people at the Order who would talk to Allen.

Chaoji only talked to Allen when he wanted to make sure that Allen was nothing. That he wasn't even human. He would mentally and physically drain Allen, but the poor boy never once gave Chaoji the satisfaction of what he says get to Allen when in truth, every word Chaoji spills towards the boy leaves him empty and alone. Wanting to disappear and never look back.

Then there was Kanda. He never once treated the boy differently. Never once looked down on him like everyone else did. Neither did he even ignore the boy. Kanda, even though his dislike for Allen is strong, he would never once fail the boy when he needed him. Not once did he think Allen was invisible, yet it would seem that Kanda still can't quite get passed Allen's walls and vise-versa.

"Do you-"

Allen smiled, "Jerry, I'm fine really." He said cutting him off, "I'll get some rest after I've eaten so please stop worrying alright."

Jerry sighed, giving the boy the food he prepared, smiling softly, "get enough food in your system alright and please if you need to skip you need only to tell me ahead of time so I can bring the food to your room, alright?" Allen nodded taking his food and smiling as Timcampy sat on his head.

"Yeah, sure thing!"

***

After having some food in his stomach, Allen decided to take a stroll outside of the Order, He felt like a prisoner and a suffocating feeling weighing him down. Timpcampy was happily playing with Allen's white strands as the wind blew against them steadily. The day was beautiful outside, seeing the sun almost disappear over the horizon, welcoming the darkness of night.

"Moyashi?"

Allen turned his head a little, seeing over his shoulder and catching steel eyes that belonged to a certain samurai. Smiling, Allen sighed and returned his gaze at the world before him, "hm?"

Kanda eyed the boy for a while and for whatever reason he stood beside him, looking out in the distance as his long hair danced in the wind. Allen looked at him from the corner of his eye and smiled, "how's it going, Kanda?" He asked, playfully. Kanda muttered something before sighing and turning his gaze towards Allen.

"Seeing you this close, you really are short. I could easily step on you," Allen turned to Kanda, holding eye contact, "you're so mean Bakanda! I'm not short!" Allen replied, feeling defensive.

"Not short ey?" Kanda smirked and leaned down, moving his hand to show the distance between their height, "your practically an ant compared to me," Allen's frown grew, turning away from Kanda, "I'm not an ant your just a mountain."

"Che'" Kanda moved back and turned his attention to the distance, thinking.

Allen did the same, taking out a cancer stick and placed it between his lips, lighting it with a match.

"You do know that smell like death right?" Kanda turned to him with a scrunched up nose at the nasty smell.

Allen chuckled, rolling his eyes and taking a deep breath before walking closer to Kanda and breathing out the smoke.

Allen burst out laughing as Kanda coughed with a disgusted face.

"You damn..."

Allen raised his hands in mock surrender, laughing, "Come on Kanda that was funny,"

Kanda glared at him and started walking towards him, "I should slice off your head for that stunt, shorty!"

Allen dropped the stick in his hand and stomped on it. He smiled a mischievous smile before saying, "Hmm, I don't think you have it in you, Yu." Taking a step closer to Kanda he leaned in taunting the swordsman before him. Kanda narrowed his eyes, "are you really challenging me?"

Allen's smile grew, silver eyes twinkling with mischief, "maybe I am." Allen brought up his hand and...

flicked Kanda on his forehead.

Allen ran as fast as he could howling in laughter. Kanda looked shocked for a few seconds before growling deep in his throat, "You damned! UGH! Moyashi come back here!" He ran after Allen, who was laughing nonstop as he ran through the hallways of the busy Order, bumping into people by accident.

"Haha! Come and get me!"


	3. Chapter 3

Allen raced down the halls of the Black Order with an angry swordsman chasing him, cursing through the crowd of people. Snickering, Allen turned a corner sharply and tried to run straight to his room, but because he doesn't have a sense of direction at all he managed to get lost. He was running through a set of doors and when he tried to open them all were locked.

"Shit" he muttered, breathing heavily, desperately needing a place to hide and rest. He ran down the hall again hoping that one of the doors was open and empty. 

"Where the hell am I anyway?!" Allen looked around. hearing footsteps close behind him he picked up his pace going to the last door at the end of the hall and tested the doorknob, "Yes!" He pushed the door open and stepped inside just as Kanda came into view, slamming the door in his face.

Allen locked the door and leaned against it panting heavily, desperate for some much-needed air. He suddenly heard a growl coming from the other side of the door.

"Damned brat! Open the door so I can slice you into pieces!"

"You think that would want to make me open it? Think again baka!" Allen replied, panting. He leaned his head back and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Moyashi open this door right now!"

Allen weakly laughed, tired of running and of everything that has been happening to him lately. This was the first time feeling free in months! And he loved it. Loved the feeling of running away and never stopping. Loved how the cool hair brushed passed his hair as he was running. If only it would not end. If only he didn't feel like shit inside he would have enjoyed it even more.

"Moyashi...open up" Kanda panted from the other side of the door clearly exhausted from their little game of cat and mouse. 

Allen sighed, looking down his hair covering his face.

"Yu, what's wrong with me?" He asked the samurai through the door. Allen could hear Kanda lean against the door, sighing in exhaustion.

"Look Moyashi. I don't know what the hell is going on with you but..." Kanda paused for a minute then continued, "you have people who do care about you and will miss you." Allen held his breath listening closely.

"Che'" Kanda clicked his tongue, "now would you open the door Moyashi, you're in MY room."

Allen burst out laughing, slowly backing away from the door and grabbing the doorknob, "of course I know that but it doesn't matter they will grow tired eventually." Allen whispered, hoping Kanda didn't hear as he swung open the door and a grumpy samurai pushed his way in.

"Nice flower Kanda," Allen pointed at the flower on the nightstand next to the window. Kanda froze eyes directly on the flower. It was a Lotus encased in an hourglass. It's petals slowly and ever so gently falling to the bottom of the glass and resting there.

"It's a Lotus Moyashi," Kanda replied to Allen not bothering to look at him. He sighed and turned to him, crossing his arms.

"Uh..." Allen looked away and walked out of the already open door, "well it's beautiful." 

Allen turned away shutting the door but not before hearing Kanda say, "you may think that now but trust in those who care."

***

As he left Kanda's room he made his way to his room. On his way there he accidentally brushed shoulders with Lavi.

"Hey!" Lavi replied bumping his shoulder against Allen's harshly. Allen stumbled back not daring to look up.

"Lavi leave him be, we got more important things to take care of," Lenalee said grabbing Lavi's hand and pulling him towards her as she made her way to the science department.

Allen laid his back against the wall of the now empty corridor. He sighed laying his head back, his bangs brushing against his face.

"Look who we have here?" Someone snickered. Allen knew who it was just by the voice. He mentally groaned, pushing off the wall, hands in his pockets.

"And where do you think you're going?" Allen felt a hand grab onto his collar, his back roughly pushed against the wall of the corridor.

"What!?" Allen snared. His silver eyes becoming void of any emotion.

Chaoji laughed evilly, "oh look here, he wants to fight back!" He barked a laugh. Pushing Allen harder against the wall and moving his other hand to grab onto the boy's neck, squeezing tightly.

"I should just rid every one of your existence. You should have never lived! Your parents should have done more than just abandon you." Chaoji squeezed even tighter, Allen struggling to breathe at this point with small gasps being heard. "Hahaha! It's a good thing Cross is dead," Allen tensed at his deceased master's name, tears welling up in his eyes, opening his mouth to say something back but couldn't because of the lack of air in his lungs. Chaoji saw his reaction and started laughing, removing his hand. Allen quickly brought a hand to his now sore neck, as he breathed in gulps of much-needed air, coughing in the process.

"W-What do you get out of this?" Allen asked his voice rough. His dull silver eyes held anger but kept his gaze on the ground, hidden behind his now disheveled hair.

Chaoji smirked again, punching Allen in the face and grabbing the boy from the back of his kneck, pulling on the hair there. Allen let out a yelp in pain, narrowing his eyes to meet Chaoji's, "the realization that no one in this entire world would ever care for you! You piece of trash! You let so many of my friends die!" Chaoji snarled, pulling harshly at Allen's hair before throwing him to the other side of the corridor, activating his innocence in the process. Allen grunted in pain, resting his back against the wall he had hit, and went limp. Body aching in more ways than one.

"You should have died," Chaoji raised a hand and punched Allen again on the side of his cheek. The poor boy let out another yelp and hit the floor hard, not moving.

"I-I saved you..." Allen muttered.

Chaoji glared at the boy on the floor, "and that was your mistake," he kicked him in the side, hearing the crack of his ribs echo throughout the corridor. Allen didn't let out any noise, but he was trembling on the floor, holding his side in agony.

Chaoji clicked his tongue, turning away from him and leaving but not before saying, "you're worthless. Go die." With that Chaoji left the boy alone.

Allen painfully got up, using the wall to help steady him. He kept tripping, his whole body hurt, his heart ached, and his mind a mess. He made it to his room without anyone seeing him in his current condition.

Opening the door to his room, he fell in, closing it then locking it. He struggled to get off the ground. His legs felt like jello and they couldn't keep him up anymore so he stayed on the floor. His hair was open from its low ponytail from when Chaoji attacked, disheveled all around him. He let his mask break. Let it shatter into a million pieces as tears started to flow down his cheeks. He tried wiping them away, but they wouldn't stop falling.

"What did I ever do to deserve any of this?"

Allen cried there on the floor of his room all night. He missed lunch and dinner and if he was completely honest he wasn't hungry. It just made him feel sick at this point. He knew Jerry would have a heart attack and come find him, but at this point, he didn't care. He wanted the pain to stop. The suffering to end.

***

The next day Allen skipped breakfast and stayed in his room all day not moving from the position he was in since last night. He was exhausted from crying all night and terrified that if he closed his eyes he'd see the cold dead body of Cross before him as he cried desperately for him to wake up and help him. 

Allen stared into space for what seemed like hours before he heard a knock at his door. He moved his eyes but didn't care to do anything as he sighed, moving into a ball, ignoring the sting of his aching sides. 

"Che' Beansprout open the door!" Allen heard a familiar voice, he quietly started to cry, huddling tighter into a ball. He heard a sigh from the other side of the door. He heard his footsteps leave his door, but he didn't care. He just wanted to disappear. 

A few minutes later he heard footsteps stop in front of his door, the handle of the door jiggling than a click. Allen held himself tighter on the floor, hearing a loud bang and a curse right after. feeling himself being picked off the floor a painful groan escaped his lips as he was placed ever so softly onto his bed. Feeling exhausted and like death, Allen looked at Kanda with dull eyes.

"Just end it already," He said before falling into a slumber. Darkness wrapped itself around him, dragging him into the deepest part of his mind. Alone, afraid, broke, and tired he didn't care. He just wanted it to stop.

When he awoke, he grunted in pain as he moved his numb body. He looked around his room with blurry vision and saw that outside the window was dark. It's probably late he thought. As he got up he grunted, sitting up and noticing that his shirt was gone and the scars he received from last night were all bandaged. 

"You finally woke up," He heard someone say. he whipped his head to the sound causing the now forming headache to ache.

"Wha-"

"Here," Allen looked at the food in Kanda's hand. It still looked hot so he probably just went and got it. Allen stared at it for a while before reaching foreword and taking it from Kanda.

"Jerry was worried. I told him you were sick so he made you some warm food," Allen looked up at Kanda, tilting his head to the side, confused. 

Timcampy came flying towards Allen and started nibbling on his uninjured cheek. Allen let out a quiet laugh, bring a hand up and holding the golden golum against his cheek as he nuzzled back gently. Allen looked back up to Kanda, seeing the swordsman laying his back against his wall.

"Kanda you know you can sit down right?"

"..."

Allen rolled his eyes when he got no response from him. He looked down at his food and started to take spoonfuls in his mouth. The atmosphere around them was relaxing for once. 

Allen heard movement in his room, a spoon still hanging from his mouth, he looked up and saw Kanda had moved and was standing before him. Allen tilted his head to the side, looking all cute and adorable.

"..." Kanda just stared at him then started to check his injuries again, seeing that nothing hast been infected and his sides were bruised.

"Well, you have to wait six weeks for those to heal," Kanda, gently placed a hand on Allen's side. And without a shirt, Allen could feel the heat radiating off Kanda as he gently examined his broken ribs. Allen cleared his throat, "Um...thank you."

Kanda looked up at the boy and shrugged, "be more careful," he replied, going back to check on his other injuries. 

"So..." Allen started, "um..."

Kanda eyed Allen, sighing he concluded that Allen will be fine if he doesn't exert himself.

"What happened?" Kanda asked. He was now sitting on the edge of the bed. Allen tensed at the question, looking down at his half-eaten food. He thought of a lie but he knew deep down Kanda would not believe him. So he just stuck with the truth.

"Well it's not like I wanted it to happen," Allen started. His hands clenched into fists, "I didn't ask for any of it! I don't want this," Allen muttered with a shaky voice. Kanda stared long and hard at Allen before sighing and reaching out. 

"Allen..." The white-haired boy froze at his name. He slowly looks up at Kanda just as the swordsman's hand rested gently against his injured cheek. For the first time since the Alma Karma's death, Kanda looked at Allen with soft eyes.

"What have they done to you?"


	4. Chapter 4

Allen was quiet. Too quiet.

"Moyashi?" Kanda blinked, noticing how Allen tensed up. He was looking down at the bowl in his hand not sure what to say at this point.

"Hey Kanda, can I ask you a question? A personal one?" The white-haired teen moved his gaze so he was staring directly into steel-colored ones.

Kanda sighed, pushing himself on the bed even more so, in the end, his back was against the wall. Allen watched him lowering his head and taking a spoonful of his food.

"Kanda,"

The samurai turned his head and was looking directly at him. He could see the young boy for who he truly is, someone who's been in pain all his life. Someone who's been abandoned for so long. Someone who doesn't know what it's like to have a home without it being ripped out from under him.

"..."

Allen turned to look at the clown poster on his wall.

"Have you ever felt like you were never good enough? That whatever you do leads to pain and leaves you numb? Empty?"

Kanda tilted his head to the side looking at the teen before him. Allen was still looking at the clown poster, however, it looked like the boy was searching for something. Something that he can't seem to find on the poster.

Kanda looks to his side and sighs, "Alma,"

Allen moves his gaze from the poster towards him but Kanda kept his eyes to the side, looking at the end of the mattress.

"The fight between Alma. I know you saw my memories. You know what happened and what..." Kanda pauses reliving the memory, "...I did,"

Kanda moved his gaze and stared at the boy's silver eyes. They were filled with sadness but thankful it wasn't pity towards him.

"Because of me...because of what I had done everyone died. Everything was lost. Nothing can change the fact that Alma Karma turned out the way he did was because of me. My memories were slowly coming back and he..." Kanda broke his gaze from Allen, tilting his head up, and watched the ceiling, "...he wanted to help me, but instead found the truth behind the whole fiasco."

Allen placed the bowl down on his lap, looking at the samurai before him. He did know that Kanda's childhood wasn't really one anyone can forget. He never had a real childhood having been an experiment since he awoke from his slumber.

Kanda turned to gaze right into Allen's eyes. Allen noticed that Kanda's eyes were filled with tears but he could see he refused to let them fall, "to answer your question, yes. I know the feeling very well. Maybe...maybe more than anyone at the Order can possibly imagine it's like something being ripped out from your reach. Something that can't be reached no matter how hard you fight for it, in the end, it won't matter how hard you try. It will always be taken away,"

Allen leaned forward, placing a hand on Kanda's arm. Kanda looked down at it, "maybe...just maybe if it turned out different Alma wouldn't have to go through that."

"Kanda," Allen started, "no matter what you did. In the end, Alma was finally able to find peace. He finally was able to let go of everything and forgive."

Kanda shook his head and sighed, "Tell me..."

Allen cocked his head to the side.

"What have they done to you?" Kanda asked again. Allen looked down at his hand still resting on Kanda's arm, letting his shoulders drop. He clenched his jaw.

"..."

"Moyashi,"

"What happened to Allen?" Allen let out a laugh. But quickly stopped taking in a deep breath.

"After awakening as a Noah everyone changed. Everything changed!"

Kanda looked at the white-haired boy before him. He could feel him shaking was it anger? Or was it something else?

"It was small things at first. They'd just ignore me. Make sure I was everywhere but near them. Then it escalated. Chaoji started to make it his mission to do whatever it takes to make sure I know that no one would ever need me. That I'm nothing. A tool for the Order. That the reason Cross died was because of me."

Kanda looked as Allen said all this. Since the fight with Alma and the awakening of Allen's Noah. Kanda has hated himself for what happened. He was the reason this is happening to the boy. He was the reason for all his sadness. And most of all, he was the reason for all this torture towards him.

"I just wish...I just wish Master was here," Allen started to shake even more. Kanda was at a loss for words.

He did this. He ruined Allen's life.

"It's my fault..." Kanda muttered.

Allen's head shot up, eyes wide.

"W-What?"

Kanda turned to the clown poster eyeing it. Looking to see if he could find the answer to all of this. The answer to helping the boy.

"It's my fault this is happening to you."

"Kanda. It's not your fault." Allen reassured him.

Kanda shook his head, pushing himself to the edge of the bed than standing up. Allen watched, secretly hoping the samurai wouldn't leave him alone.

Kanda walked to the window, "maybe or maybe not, yet no matter how hard someone tries to do something..." he turned, back laid against the wall.

"As I said, it will always be taken away."

****

Kanda left not long after their conversation. Allen feels like crap. His head is still aching and Kanda made sure to tell him before leaving that he'll talk to Komui from allowing him to take on missions. 

"Timcanpy, what does this Order have against me?" His little friend started to flap around him, suddenly stopping in front of him, just hovering there.

"It used to be my home a place where I was finally able to fit in, to be needed." He whispered sadly

Tim nuzzled his cheek. Allen just let out a sigh.

"Tim, can you hand me a cigarette?" Tim flew away from him and grabbed a cancer stick from the boy's clothing which was laying on the floor. The golden golem quickly scooped up the hanging cigarette and flew it to him. Allen smiled when he felt the cigarette fall in his hand. He grabs the lighter from his pants pocket, lighting the cancer stick. 

He took a long drag before breathing out a puff of smoke. 

"You really gotta stop smoking," Allen heard a voice in his room. One he knew too well. 

"I don't see your uncle having trouble with it," He said, taking another long drag.

"Allen, you know our offer still stands."

Allen let out a hoarse laugh eyes void of emotion when he turned to the one in his room.

"Yes it does, but at what cost?"

"Allen you're our family and we never betray family that's not what the Noah do,"

"The Fourteenth is your family, not me,"

The person walked towards Allen's bed, sitting down on the edge.

"Allen listen to me," They began, "The Fourteenth is our family, yes, but you are as well," They started, "Allen you are more than you know you are. Your kind, amazing, self-sacrificing, and everything that's good in the world. You can change them, change the others."

"Listen. I'm still thinking about the offer, I just... I just can't betray them. I can't betray my friends,"

"WHAT FRIENDS!?" Road yelled, "THEY HAVE MADE THEIR FRIENDSHIP OH SO VERY CLEAR WHEN THEY ABANDONED YOU!"

Allen could feel the little Noah's anger grow.

She sighed, dropping her shoulders, "They... those humans are not what friends do. Friends help each other when in need. Friends depend on each other. Friends never betray the other to get what they want. Friends never leave others behind," Road listed out, eyes pleading.

"You see Allen, those aren't friends those are people who use you. They are making sure that whatever love and hope you still have will be crushed. They want you to be broken."

"Kanda and Jerry aren't like that," Allen defended.

Road sighed knowing what he said was true. She placed a hand on his, "look, Allen, just think about the offer okay? I don't want to see you suffer. I don't want my family to suffer when I have the power to help them " she leaned down placing a kiss on his cheek. Allen closed his eyes, letting out a sigh.

"I know you want to help Road," he started, looking at the young Noah before him. He could see her golden eyes filled with tears and pain reflected off of them. Pain towards him. He ruffled her purple locks.

"But you can't fix something already broken,"

Road made contact with his eyes and she can see everything. His face made not show any emotion but his eyes...oh his eyes told so many emotions. Every one of them painful and heartbreaking. Road burst into tears as she saw what the Order has done to her family.

"Y-Yes you can. You can mend something that's broken. It'll just take time," she answered, pulling Allen into a tight hug but not tight enough to agitate his wounds.

Allen flicked the cancer stick onto the floor, it was small enough to stop burning by itself.

He slowly hugged Road back.

"Can you really mend something broken as I?" He asked, hugging the small Noah tightly.

"Yes. I believe I can," she confidently replied, pulling back and staring straight into his dull silver eyes.

He looked down, shaking his head before looking back up with a soft smile. A real smile.

"Thank you,"

Road smiled, brushing his bangs out of his face, "anything for you, Allen."

And with that she called her door, "oh, and one more thing. If that crazy cook and samurai are really the only two you consider friends. The offer will extend to them." She smiled before waving goodbye, walking through her door as it disappeared behind her.

Allen rolled on his side, facing the wall and making sure not to hurt his sides. He watched the wall for a while before closing his eyes. As he did, he could see Cross his master and the man who saved him when Mana had died. He could see his lifeless body against the window sill with blood dripping from him. 

Allen whimpered, curling up into a ball. He deeply wanted his master back. He wanted to see him again, but Apocryphos made sure that won't happen. He made sure to take away the one living guardian he had. The one man who could always be there for Allen even if he could abandon him the next minute to survive on his own he would still be there for him whenever he really needed him. 

"Tim, what should I do?" Allen asked in a voice filled with sadness.

Tim just flapped, landing on the boys head. 

"It's all my fault he died. It's all my fault Cross died!" Allen cried. 

"Why? Why do I lose all those precious to me?! Am I really that bad? Am I really that useless?"

Allen felt Tim move but didn't care. Nothing cared anymore. 

Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay this chapter is shorter than what I expected it to be. Anyways, Allen is seriously suffering in many ways than one.
> 
> What do you think Allen should do? 
> 
> Take the offer or don't?
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe!
> 
> Until next time.
> 
> See you in the next update.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -> This chapter may contain some triggering moments, please be careful<-

_"Master!" Allen yelled, "Master wait! Please!"_

_"Allen your path is set. Your destiny is written. It is your choice if you choose to accept it." Cross lowered his cigarette, blowing a puff of smoke. He looked down at an exhausted and panting Allen._

_"B-But M-Master how..." Allen started, trying to talk but coming out in a stuttered mess._

_"Stupid boy," Cross started walking away, deeper in the field of hay. Allen stood up chancing after his master but never could get close. It was like Cross Marian was leaving him behind while he fought so hard trying to keep up with him._

_"Master, please! Don't leave me," Allen cried, tears falling down his face._

_From afar Cross Marian turned around, facing him. Allen kept running but to no avail could he reach Cross._

_"Allen listen, form your own path. Don't let the Order or anyone else form it for you," Cross sighed, smiling for the first time in a long time. Allen watched everything. He was shocked to his master smile. But he needed him. He wanted him with him again. He didn't want to be alone. Not now, not ever!_

_"P-Please Master don't leave me!" Allen hiccuped, tripping over his foot and falling down. He was on his knees his hands holding himself up. His eyes lowered to the ground as he cried._

_"I don't want to be alone! Please, please, please stay! Stay with me!" Allen cried out in pain._

_Cross was slowly disappearing from view, "you're never alone Allen," Cross finally said before disappearing completely from view._

_Allen cried in agony._

_He didn't want to be alone._

_He wanted someone._

_Something._

_"MASTER!"_

Allen woke up, startled. His heart racing and his body drenched in sweat he frantically looked around trying to find any sign of his Master, Cross Marian. 

Timcanpy could feel something was bothering Allen so the small golden golem flew up and nuzzled Allen's neck, which snapped the boy out of his train of thought.

"Tim?" Allen asked, taking a deep breath in and breathing out. He slumped forward, raising his left hand, the black ink that covers it almost looks like an abyss. One where he could be sucked in and never return to reality.

"Did I fall asleep?" He asked, pulling the blankets off of him. He grabbed the edge of the mattress in his hand, clutching it harshly. Standing up a dizzy spell hit him, which led to him sitting on the edge of the bed again. He shook his head ridding himself from the dizzy feeling.

Finally, after a few minutes, he tried standing up again. He slowly made his way to the restroom that was connected to his room, walking inside he looked into the mirror. He hated what he saw, himself. So weak and frail. 

But he also saw the shadow of the Fourteenth smiling back at him. He balled his hands into fists and smashed the mirror. He panted, eyes wide and his fist slowly bleeding. He slumped forward catching himself with his free hand against the counter. 

Allen moved his bloody fist and examined it. Suddenly laugher erupted, not one of joy and happiness but one filled with dread and loneliness.

"I could end it right here and now," he laughed out, watching his hand bleed. 

"No one will notice right?" He asked himself, "I mean Jerry will miss me and Kanda but everyone else they won't even bat an eye."

Allen stumbled backward, his back harshly slamming against the wall as he slid down. 

"I'm tired of this life," he weakly sobs, "I'm so fucking tired,"

He didn't feel like moving not even an inch. He just wanted to disappear. To be sucked into a void where he will be free from harm. 

His head hung low, white hair hiding every inch of his face from view. Eyes dull as can be and no life in them insight. 

He let out a harsh chuckle, "how much can I handle until I break,"

A knock was heard, pulling him from his dark mind. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling above him still too weak to walk so he called out for the person to come in. He heard his door open then close as said person walked in. He heard rustling before the footsteps started to come closer to him.

"Moyashi?" Allen tensed at the nickname. Allen didn't even glance over still finding the ceiling a lot more interesting at the moment.

"Hey, Bakanda," 

Kanda walked inside the restroom, cursing as he saw the mirror in shattered pieces all over the countertop and floor. He noticed that on some of the shards still intact there was blood, he glanced down at Allen's hand, seeing blood drip on the floor slowly.

"Allen-"

"Don't," Allen interrupted Kanda, glancing up at the samurai with dull eyes, "whatever you're going to say I don't want to hear it. I can't..."

Allen brought his bleeding hand up and looked at it, eyes still void of emotion, not even a spark can be seen.

"How long till I can handle all this?" Allen asked, chuckling. He leaned his head back against the wall looking up at Kanda again, "you know Road offered to take me with her,"

Kanda tensed at the Noah's name, but stayed quiet and listened.

"She gave me an offer to leave this place. To leave the ones who betrayed me, the ones I once called family, my home," Allen began, "I told her I'll think about it because, in reality, she has treated me far kinder then the Black Order has ever since I was deemed the vessel of the Fourteenth. The Noah has treated me more like a family then trash to be thrown aside."

Kanda kneeled next to Allen, placing a hand under his legs and one against his back as he picked him up bridal style and walked back to the bed. He placed Allen down, going to grab extra bandages and ointment that he had left on the floor a few feet away from Allem's bed the night before. Walking back towards the bed, Kanda kneeled down on one leg, carefully grabbing Allen's injured hand first inspecting it of any glass that might have made its way in his skin. He cleaned the wound before applying the ointment then gently bandaging his hand. 

"She said the offer will also extend to you and Jerry," Kanda blinked at this. He knew the small Noah was smart for her own good but why would she allow the offer to extend to himself and the cook?

"Why?"

Allen smiled, watching as Kanda carefully finished with the bandage, "she knows you guys are the only two willing to help me,"

"..."

Allen looked back at Kanda and for a second Kanda caught a spark in Allen's eyes but quickly fade just as fast as it appeared. He could also see tears in the boy's eyes start to well. 

"I-I don't know what to do," Allen choked out, "I don't want to leave my home. I don't want to betray anyone but what can I do?" Allen cried out.

"If I stay here any longer I may just lose it! I may just end it all!" Allen continued to cry in agony. Kanda took a step towards the boy, hand extended, and about to land on his shoulder but hesitating in the air for just a moment.

"Tell me! Someone tell me! Did they really die because of me? Did Master die because he hated me? Was I the cause of everyone's misfortune?" Allen desperately cried out, his face now hidden in his hands. 

"Should I listen to Choaji?!"

"Allen cal-"

Kanda was interrupted once again when Allen started to breathe heavily, chocking and trying to take in oxygen. Trying to find any source of air he could breathe in. 

Kanda cursed grabbing Allen by the shoulder and pulling him in, gently brushing his fingers through the boy's white hair. 

"Breathe damn it, Breathe Allen!" Kanda urgently voiced out.

"P-please...ha...a-air...someone..." Allen started to claw at his throat trying to get air back into his lungs.

"Allen look at me," Kanda moved and grabbed Allen's face, "you need to do what I do okay? Breathe in than out!" Kanda instructed. 

To this point, Allen couldn't hear anything. His heart was beating so hard against his chest wanting to explode he could see dark circles appear in his vision, slowly going limp and desperately gasping for air. 

"Breathe, Allen breathe!" Kanda commanded a little too harshly finally pulling Allen out of his weak state of mind, he slowly started to copy Kanda's breathing patterns.

"That's it! Breathe in and out, in and out," Kanda continued to help the boy get much-needed air back into his throbbing lungs.

"Ha, ha..." Allen gulped in the air he needed falling limp once more against Kanda. His face against the long-haired shoulder. Kanda sighed in relief as he felt Allen finally breathe in the air he needed. He was silently happy the boy wasn't having an attack anymore. 

"You okay?"

Allen let out a choked laugh, "If I said yes I'd be lying," he nuzzled his head deeper in Kanda's shoulder.

Kanda chuckled, "yeah," He brought up his hand and gently started to run his fingers through Allen's hair again, gently rubbing circles.

Allen let out a groan his body tired and achy from his recent attack.

"You need to eat," Kanda pointed out.

Allen grabbed Kanda's coat in his fist, clenching it tightly.

"No," Allen answering childishly, "your warm," 

Kanda rolled his eyes at Allen's childish behavior but pulled the boy closer to him.

"Rest," he whispered, as he heard Allen hum his response. He could feel the boy's breathing slowing down as he finally slept. He slowly untangled himself from the boy and laid him down, watching him grab a pillow and hugging it, flinching a bit from his bruised sides.

"Sleep well," Kanda whispered, standing up and towards an empty chair. He grabbed the food he had left on the floor near the window and placing it on the chair with a note telling Allen to eat when he awoke. 

He made his way to the door, leaving Allen to sleep in silence.

....

"Where the hell is that no good no life?!" Chaoji stormed into the cafeteria, looking around.

"Who are you talking about exactly?" Jerry whipped his spatula around as he was cooking.

"That no-good Noah scum!" Chaoji hissed out. Jerry immediately stopped working. His whole aura became deadly that some of the people waiting in line decided to back away from the cook by now everyone in the cafeteria was listening. Including a certain rabbit and green-haired girl. 

"Mind repeating that?" Jerry asked in a dark voice. This is the first time in Black Order history that someone decided to make Jerry mad.

"Where is that no good Noah scum!" Chaoji snared. 

Jerry started laughing and not the good kind, a maniac kind of laugh. Like one who has lost all sense of logic. 

"Come here, boy," Jerry motioned for Chaoji to come near and he did, being his stupid, conceded self.

Jerry harshly grabbed his hair, tightly to the point where tears started to form in Choaji's eyes.

"Talk like that about him again and the next this I'll be trying is lasagna with a special exorcist for flavor!" Jerry darkly stated. Choaji's eyes widen his whole body shaking from the threat, "y-you wouldn't?" He asked.

Jerry tightened his grasp on his hair again earning a painful whimper, "there are a few things you don't know about me boy," Jerry leaned down close enough to see the fear in Choaji's eyes.

"Is that when I make a threat I stand by it," he let go of his hair, leaning against the counter with his spatula pointed.

"Never cross me or you will disappear! That I swear," 

Everyone in the cafeteria was all shocked and on edge. They have never known Jerry could ever be so violent to the point of murder. Lavi was staring straight at Chaoji as did Lenalee.

"What's going on here?" Lavi asked the green-haired in front of him on the table. She shook her head not knowing what was happening, thankfully a Finder who has helped Allen was also with them answered, "He was talking about Allen," the Finder replied.

Lavi and Lena looked at each other before looking back at the Finder, confused.

"What about him?" Lenalee asked. 

"That's none of your damn business now is it?" Kanda interrupted just when the Finder was going to answer. The crowd in the cafeteria all turned to look at Kanda, who happened to slip in unnoticed.

Jerry smile at Kanda. 

"What do you mean it's none of our business? Isn't he's our fr-"

Lavi was interrupted by a loud slam. He looked up at Kanda with hesitation and a little bit of fear knowing what the samurai is capable of when he gets angry.

"Finish that sentence and I will end everyone in the entire Black Order," Kanda hissed out with so much hate and disgust in his voice, "including, you!"

And with that Kanda angrily left the cafeteria, heading towards Allen's room to check on him.

Lavi and Lenalee and the rest of the exorcists, Finders, and others working at the Order, were frozen in terror. They all knew what Kanda was capable of and his threat was as clear as day. 

No one will be able to stop him if he ever tried taking down the Order. 

"That's my boy," was all Jerry said as he resumed cooking for everyone there.


	6. Chapter 6

_**-Two weeks later -** _

"Allen sir," one of the Finders nervously walked up to the albino who was graciously making his way to the cafeteria.

"Yes?" Allen tilted his head to the side a bit.

He was fully recovered from the assault Chaoji had inflicted on him. With the help of Kanda and Jerry, Allen was finally able to consult with them whenever he needed to.

The Order itself was another problem, because of how Jerry and Kanda had gotten mad over his behalf un the cafeteria, most of the Finders and Exorcists stood clear of him, but a few did keep pestering him. Like how the other day Lavi tried to talk to Allen but all he got in return was nothing for Allen had quickly left the redhead alone seeing how Kanda had walked into the room they were in. Or that time Lenalee tried to invite Allen to eat with her and Lavi but he declined to make sure to find a vacant room so he'd have a little peace and quiet.

And last but not least Chaoji. That man still had the guts to harass Allen no matter the situation was.

"Komui is calling for you in his office," the Finder bowed as he delivered his message.

Allen smiled a bit and nodded, "thank you for informing me, I'll make my way there now,"

The Finder nodded and left quickly. Allen sighed, making his way to the science department as he walked the halls, he started to think about Road and her offer.

It's been a while since they've talked and no doubt the offer still stood on the table. He knew he needed to decide and soon because he, himself, wasn't so sure if he'll be able to last what's left of the month.

He started to hear the yelling and loud noises from the Science Department nearing. He walked faster, his head down, bangs cover his face from view as he stopped in front of the head scientists' office.

He picked up his hand and knocked.

"Come in," he heard from the other side of the door. Pushing the door open, Allen was surprised to see that Kanda, Chaoji, and Lenalee were all in Komui's office.

"ALLEN! Come in, come in!" Komui made one of those weird faces, freaking Allen a little bit. He knew it was Komui's character to add like a child but sometimes even childish Komui was hard to understand. One moment he'd be crying about something Lenalee wouldn't let him do and the next he'll build a robot just to chase everyone in the Black Order around.

Allen walked in, closing the door behind him and made his way to Kanda's side.

"Alright now that we are all here! I need each of you to go on a mission." Kanda secretly grabbed Allen's hand to assure him that nothing bad will happen to him on this mission, as long as he's around.

"What's the mission?" Lenalee asked.

"Well my dear sister, there have been many level 3 akuma sighted around a small village just outside of the city. Allegedly, a Noah has also been sighted, " Komui informed.

Allen tightened his grip around Kanda's hand.

"So what do you want us to do?" Chaoji asked, glaring at Allen.

"I need you four to go into town and investigate. Make sure all the akuma are gone and if there is a Noah there, well you know what to do," Komui sighed, sitting down.

"When do we leave?" Kanda asked.

Komui slumped back in the chair tiredly, "tonight, the sooner the better. Your all dismissed,"

Quietly they all exited the room, walking into the science division where all the scientists were currently running around and yelling, still. Allen moved beside Kanda but yelped when he was suddenly grabbed.

"Look here you scum!" Chaoji started, tightening his hold on Allen's wrist, bruising it in the process. "You better believe I'll make your journey a living he-" he was suddenly interrupted by a sword against his throat.

"Let. Go." Kanda snarled. Chaoji let go of Allen's bruised wrist and Kanda made sure to gently grab the boy, pulling him behind himself.

Lenalee watched the whole thing quietly, her eyes wide with surprise.

"What do you think you're doing Kanda?!" She questioned, scared.

Kanda glared daggers at her, shutting her up. He turned his gaze back at Chaoji and moved closer to him, sword still against the man's throat.

"If you ever harass Allen," he started, "if you ever even breathe the same air as him I. Will. End. You," Kanda seethed dangerously. Tightening his grip on Mugen, making sure his threat was there.

"Kanda..."

The samurai moved back, sheathing his sword. He looked back at Chaoji and smirked, he could see his neck bleeding a little from where Mugen had touched.

He turned to Allen and nodded, both walking away and leaving Chaoji and Lenalee behind.

***

The trip to the village wasn't as bad as Allen thought it'll be. He was with Kanda the whole train ride in a whole other compartment separate to Chaoji's and Lenlee's. But he had a feeling during the whole ride like something was going to happen.

Catching on, Kanda sighed, turning to the boy sitting right across from him, "Allen..."

Allen jumped a little at his name being called. Turning his attention away from the window and to Kanda, "Yes?" He asked, suddenly so nervous. 

"Don't worry if Chaoji tries something I'll take care of it, alright," Allen sighed in relief. One because Kanda had just outright said that he'd protect him from Chaoji and two because Kanda's soft voice, which confused and made him feel safe. 

"Yu?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Kanda asked, head tilted to the side in confusion. His hair moving back and forth from his sudden movement.

"Why are you helping me? Why go this far?" Allen asked, nervously looking down and gently pet Tim, who was on his lap.

Kanda stayed silent for a while, making Allen's anxiety skyrocket.

"It's not because of pity if you want to know," Kanda suddenly replied, his gaze focused back on the world outside whizzing passed them.

"It's not?" Allen questioned.

Kanda shook his head, "no it's not,"

Allen let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders finally relaxing, "then why?" His gaze focused once again on Kanda.

"If I had to explain it I'd say...you remind me of a wounded puppy. One that has lost all sense of himself because of the environment he grew up around. Once he's found an owner they just let him go, not once thinking about how they should take care of him or more important love him," Kanda replied, looking back at him with serious eyes.

"You start to lean on others for support, for comfort and an ounce of their love, but... with each owner, a puppy lives with the less it will likely trust them. Having to experience so much betrayal of being left behind, of beginning forgotten, or of only feeling love for a short while before it's ripped away again." Kanda leaned forward, placing a hand on Allen's cheek, gently not to scare him off. Allen jumped at the feeling of another warmth on him but relaxed soon after the sudden feeling faded. He closed his eyes and leaned into Kanda's hand. Kanda smiled gently, starting to caress Allen's cheek with his thumb.

"I'm helping you because I want what's best for you. I want you to feel comfortable and be able to confide in me when you need someone to talk to. I want you to trust me because no matter what happens I will never let you feel alone. I know only a portion of what you've gone through so I understand the meaning of loneliness. I understand the pain and sorrow you are going through. So I want you to know that whatever you decide, wherever you go, I won't be too far behind, because I will not ever make you feel like your not needed. Like your just in this world to be a tool for The Black Order's greed. Like your nothing."

Allen was in tears. His eyes wide, his breath coming fast. Kanda placed his other hand on Allen's other cheek and brought his face closer to his, placing his forehead against Allen's, looking directly in his silver teary eyes.

"Listen to me closely Allen because I swear to you that I will never abandon you. I will always be there for you. I will always comfort you if you ever need it," Kanda closed his eyes and in a whisper, he said, "and I will always love you,"

And with that Allen broke down completely, crying his heart out as he hugged Kanda, clinging to him with his life. He cried and cried, repeating the same words over and over again, "Thank you, Thank you!"

"Allen you deserve the world. You deserve to be happy so whatever you choose I will accept and so will Jerry because you are our friend. And we will have your back till the very end," Kanda hugged Allen, righty making sure Allen knew that all he said was true. That everything he said was not just a cruel joke but the truth, a promise. 

Allen shook in Kanda's embrace for a while when finally he stopped and was breathing evenly, Kanda smiled at the sleeping boy in his arms, brushing Allen's bangs aside he decided to move him so Allen's head was laying on his lap, and his body laying across on the seat Kanda was sitting on. He grabbed Allen's exorcist coat off the seat before him and draped it across Allen's body.

"Sleep well Moyashi," He quietly said placing a small kiss on Allen's forehead.


	7. Chapter 7

The mission didn't go as well as they thought it would. Having to battle so many Akuma at one time was exhausting.

"I'm so exhausted I could just drop," Allen groaned, spent from the night of helping the village evacuate. It was a trap for the exorcists and the information the Finders reported to Komui wasn't spot on. Most of the information was not there, so after they had reported their findings through a Black Order golem Komui immediately cursed and decided to send back up.

"Then why don't you already," Chaoji replied with a hiss.

"If I did we wouldn't have gotten to safety, now would we?" Allen replied, sarcastically. In return, Chaoji gave him a glare that could've ended him on spot.

"Guys we need to make sure the wounded are attended to," Lenalee stepped in. Her hair a matted mess from all the blood from the Akuma attack.

"Che'"

Allen turned his gaze to Kanda, who was leaning against the wall in exhaustion. He could see that his hair was untied, which framed him all around.

From the fight, all of them were bruised up and very tired. Having the village evacuated was a good idea of Lenalee's part so no one was in the crossfire.

"So what do we do now?" Chaoji asked.

"Well we can start by leaving the Ark, and see the wreckage that was caused by all the fighting," Allen suggested, getting up from the floor with a groan. He had been slashed from the side by a Level 2 Akuma when he wasn't paying attention.

"Are you crazy?! We'd die!" Chaoji hissed back.

Allen just rolled his eyes, limping as he opened the Ark, "we've been in here for hours now. I'm pretty sure the Akuma are gone by now but if you really need reassurance that they are gone, then I'll go first. If I don't come back in three minutes..." Allen trailed off, limping barely through the Arks exit, "well you'll know I'm dead,"

Allen smiled then exited the Ark. As soon as he has he fell to his knees with a painful groan.

Looking around tiredly he noticed that the village was utterly quiet. Silence.

He sighed, crawling to the nearest wall and leaned against it looking up.

"We can keep you safe...Allen," whipping his head to the side he saw Road. The small Noah had tears in her eyes as she looked sadly at Allen, who just smiled back.

"I know," he replied.

"Then why? Why are you still with those who hurt you?" She desperately asked walking towards Allen and kneeling before him.

Allen groaned, holding his bleeding side, "not really sure myself," he let out a small chuckle, "maybe it's because I don't want to betray them as they have betrayed me."

Road glanced at his side and sighed, "Allen, the Earl doesn't want to hurt you. In hurting you he's hurting himself," she said.

Allen just looked at her bewildered. The Earl didn't want to hurt him?

"What...?"

Road looked at the Ark opening, "Every time he sees you hurting it kills him. Every time he sees what the exorcists do to you he wants to destroy their HQ, " she glanced back at him, "the Earl doesn't want to hurt you but you're giving him no other choice! He cries every time he sees you. Sees what the Black Order has done to you Allen! Please take my offer before it's too late!" Road cried holding his bloody hand in hers.

"I-I..." Allen stuttered.

"Just...please give me an answer in two days." She stated, "two days, Allen remember," she disappeared from view, leaving Allen there to himself. He's pretty sure the three minutes were up but he didn't care. He groaned standing up, leaning against the wall for support.

Well just my luck

Allen walked back through the Ark and told them it was clear. He slumped against the wall watching his teammate walk out of the Ark. When the last person came out he closed it and sighed.

"You're bleeding," Kanda stated, watching him with worried eyes.

"Yeah, an Akuma got me while we were fighting," Allen replied with exhaustion. His head hurt and he could feel himself getting dizzy.

"Che, let's go," Kanda grabbed his arm gently and wrapped it around his shoulder, careful not to hurt him as he encouraged him to lay against Kanda's side for support.

...

After making it back to the Order in better condition then they were at the village before going to a doctor to get patched up, Komui made sure they each gave their reports before sending them off.

Kanda helped Allen to his room which surprised Allen. No one ever came into Kanda's room and lived to tell the tale.

"Rest, you've been through a lot," Kanda stated.

"Hn," Allen replied tiredly. As soon as his head hit the pillow on Kanda's bed he was out cold.

Waking up refreshed even if it was in the middle of the night was weird. Allen never woke up refreshed, always tired.

He rubbed his eyes, flinching when he accidentally laid on his injured side. He looked around noticing that the room he was in wasn't his own but someone else's. He glanced at the lotus flower on the stand near the window and remembered whose room he was in.

Kanda had brought him here after arriving from their exhausting mission.

"Kanda?" He looked around for said person. Noticing that on the other side of the room there was a coach with a silhouette on it. Removing the mattress from him, he got up slowly making sure not to agitate his wound and walked to the coach.

He could finally see that Kanda was sleeping soundly on it. An arm behind his head and one leaning from the edge and barely brushing the ground, one of his legs was also leaning from the edge of the cushion and the other not.

"Kanda?" Allen whispered again, kneeling down and poking the samurai on his cheek.

"Kanda, Kanda, Kanda... wake up," he kept at it, pouting when the samurai didn't even flinch.

"Yu," Kanda groaned opening his eyes sending a tired glare his way, "what do you want baka Moyashi," he said, tired and sleepy.

Allen pouted, "you should sleep on your bed not the couch," he said softly, gaining a low chuckle from Kanda who moved his arm that was handing off the edge and placed it gently against his cheek.

Allen leaning into it and smiled.

"You were exhausted and hurt. The couch would've hurt you more so taking the bed was the best choice for you," he tiredly replied, stroking his thumb against his cheek.

"Still, I feel bad.." Allen replied, placing a hand over Kanda's, "It's your room. Your bed."

Kanda shook his head and chuckled.

Allen's attention was on Kanda now. He noticed how relaxed the other was and Kanda was never relaxed in front of anyone.

"Well then come on there's room for two," Allen stood up gently pulling on the samurai's hand, quietly asking him to follow.

Kanda groaned slowly getting up from the uncomfortable couch and followed Allen to the bed. He watched as Allen got under the blankets, patting the space beside him. Kanda rolled his eyes and shuffled into the warm blankets and comfortable bed.

"Better?"

Kanda groaned, nodding sighing his face into the fluffy pillow and breathing in.

He felt Allen start to play with the strands of his hair, opening his eyes again watching him with tired steel eyes he could see Allen was thinking.

"What's wrong?"

Allen hummed, pulling the hair strand until he could feel it. Kanda moved in closer to Allen, enveloping him in warmth. Allen sighed against Kanda drafting an arm over the samurai.

"Road came to the village," Allen started.

Kanda hummed, moving his arm and draped it over Allen's injured waist, making sure not to hurt him as his other arm was making it's way under the boy's head, his hand playing with Allen's silver locks.

"Hn,"

"She wants my answer in two days," Allen sighed feeling fingers from through his hair, he snuggled closer into Kanda.

"What are you going to chose?" Kanda asked, in a low voice.

"..."

Allen closed his eyes, suddenly tired but still needing to think about his answer. The best option for him was to take the offer that would get him away from the Order and somewhere he was safe but in turn, he would be deemed a traitor.

"Allen take the offer," Kanda stated. Allen looked up at Kanda opening his eyes in the process seeing steel eyes watch him with such a serious look.

"Yu?"

Kanda ran his thumb gently across his cheek, "I may not seem like I care about anything but I do. And I can see that you're hurting, you're in pain and you feel like its all your fault but its not. I want whats best for you baka and if that means you'll be with the Noah then so be it." Kanda stated, "You'll be leaving those who hurt you, those who betrayed you behind and you can start with those who deeply care for you and I know the Noah are trying to help in their own way."

"But what if...what if it turns out like the Order? Start out as a family but later they turn on me?" Allen asked, sadly.

Kanda flicked his forehead, "you dummy, they won't turn on you." Kanda played with a strand of his white hair, "they wouldn't go to this much trouble to turn on you in the end. They want you as their family, as one of them. They want to protect you from the pain that you're going through,"

Allen's eyes well up with tears, "Yu," he choked out, "if I go, will you follow?" Allen asked.

"Please don't leave me alone! Please don't abandon me! You and Jerry are all I have left. If you two were to betray me...," Allen started to cry, tears falling faster, making sure to gaze directly into steel-colored eyes, "I...I'd probably-"

"Sh, Allen." Kanda pulled Allen closer to his chest, arm tightly around him but making extra sure not to hurt his wounded side. Kanda's hearts pounded hard against his chest, fear, and worry wrecking his body at the thought of what Allen might have done.

What he still _could do._

The thought scared him. Scared him so much that he swore to never let anyone ever hurt Allen again. Never again!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This book will end in two more chapters, which will consist of a good ending and bad ending. I’ll make sure to show which is which.

"When are you going to just up and die already?" 

Allen left Kanda's room early he didn't want to bother the exorcist and so he let him rest a little more while he went to the cafeteria to talk to Jerry. Who always prepared everything early, sometimes he'd give Allen snacks whenever he'd find out Allen hadn't eaten the night before.

"Hello! Noah scum I'm talking to you!" 

Allen sighed, why should he even bother with this treatment? He never wanted to feel this pain. Never wanted to let everyone down. Only wanted a family. If only Cross was still alive. 

If only...I'd just die.

"What do you want Chaoji?" Allen asked, emotionless.

"What I want is to see Directo Llievie already put an end to you already," Chaoji started, "Why does he even keep you alive! You are nothing more than a tool used for our gain. There's nothing special about you! I'm sure Cross never even cared about you. I'm sure he was happy to die just to get rid of you,"

Allen snapped. Eye's full-on gold with the promise of death reflecting in them. He turned to Chaoji, grabbing him by the neck, pushing him hard into the wall behind him as it crumbled from the forced Allen used.

"Don't ever bring up my master!" Allen sneered, his voice both his and one sounding more demonic more like an angry animal growling in hatred. At this point he was a little closer to the doors leading to the cafeteria, Allen could see that a few people were watching them from the loud commotion Allen's push had caused. A loud bang, seeming to shake the whole building. 

"What? We both know he hated you. He left you for months on end for you to fend on your own, he hates you! And he's glad he's finally away from you," Chaoji challenged. The hand around his neck tightening.

"You know nothing about me nor you do about Marian Cross!" Allen seemed to screech, eyes narrowing, promising death.

"You don't know what it feels like to be ridiculed by something you were born with!" Allen started, leaning in closer to Chaoji while pushing him into the wall, even more, a dent being shown on the wall. Many others from the cafeteria were out in the hallway watching them both closely. 

At this point Chaoji was shaking with fear as he stared up at Allen's eyes, meeting his gaze head-on. He could see his eyes had changed to gold just like the Noah. He can see the promise of death and the hatred Allen holds for him. 

"You don't understand anything! Nothing at all not about me nor about Cross. You can't even begin to understand what master was trying to achieve. You can't even begin to comprehend what Cross had to do to even make sure I was alive! You don't understand the pain of abandonment. The pain of darkness as it eats away at you until nothing is left but a hollow shell of your former self!" Allen was breathing heavily. 

At this point, everyone, including Kanda, was staring at Allen as he let his anger out. No one has ever seen him react the way he is reacting and it kind of scared them. Kanda was only a few feet away from Allen, he and Jerry both looking at each other, nodding.

"Y-You can't e-even protect those you love! How can you even b-begin to protect anyone!?" Chaoji screamed. 

Allen tilted his head to one side, smiling, "just because those who I love dearly are ripped out of my life doesn't mean I want others to suffer, "Golden eyes filled with nothingness, void of emotion and reason.

At this point, Chaoji was turning purple from the lack of air his lungs were receiving, "But to be completely honest I don't care what happens to me, as long as everyone is safe from harm's way." Allen let go of Chaoji, turning around as he heard the man behind him fall to his knees, gasping as he took in the air he desperately needed.

"My life means nothing to me nor does it to anyone else," Allen looked all around him seeing that everyone had mixed emotions to what they had just witnessed. Some were fearful, some were wary, but mostly some looked betrayed. 

"My life ended the moment my master was murdered by Apocryphos," Allen gazed around until he met Kanda's steel eyes. He dropped his mask slightly, sadly smiling towards the one other person who cares about him. The other being Jerry. 

"So abuse me. Treat me like scum all you want because, in the end, it doesn't matter. None of it does, I've already lost everything so your actions, your words are empty to me,"

Allen turned around, looking down at Chaoji. The man looking up at him with fear and terror which made Allen smile with glee.

"Maybe I should do you all a favor and make your wish come true," Allen laughed. 

He had so many emotions running rapidly inside him but he didn't dare let the dam break now. He'd wait. Wait until the right time than will the walls to break unleashing everything they put him through. Every emotion they created and made him feel. 

"Moyashi," 

Turning around he calmed down. His face blanks like a broken child. He walked towards Kanda but not before the people in front of Kanda started to part, letting him through. He stood in front of Kanda, sighing.

"Y-You d-demon!" Chaoji choked out.

Allen turned around, arms crossed across his chest, head tilted to one side his expression bored.

"Been called that all my life," he replied.

"G-Go die!" Chaoji coughed, holding his bruised neck, "I hope the Order finally gets rid of you! You demon Noah!"

"Got anything better to do than waste your energy?" Allen asked, making some people in the audience let out small chuckles here and there.

"DAMN YOU!" Chaoji leaped forward innocence active, targeting Allen. 

He didn't even land a hit on him because a sword to his neck stopped him from moving an inch more. Kanda had moved faster than anyone can see and pulled out Mugen, which was now placed against Chaoji's bruised neck. 

"Move and I kill you," He stated, nonchalantly.

Chaoji eyed Kanda from the corner of his eye in shock, how can someone even help this monster?!

Chaoji looked back at Allen, who huffed before turning and leaving the hallway. As soon as he was out of view Kanda lowered his sword, sheathing it before turning to Jerry, giving him a nod.

"Alright, everyone! Let's go back to the cafeteria the food is getting cold and I didn't wake up extra early this morning to let it cool for your entertainment," Jerry announced, waving his spatula in the air getting everyone's attention.

Everyone started to shuffle back into the cafeteria knowing full well that if the food went to waste Jerry wouldn't cook delicious for them for a week and that was everyone's nightmare. No delicious food!

Chaoji was left in the hallway on his knees, rubbing his bruised neck. Kanda eyed him before turning a corner and leaving the fool to himself. 

He walked through the now empty Order until he was at the exit of the building. Walking past the talking door, Kanda made his way to the side, farther away from the annoying door. He sighed, leaning his back against the building wall. 

The breeze moving strands of his hair, looking up he noticed that the clouds have turned grey.

"Che'" He closed his eyes and breathed out, relaxing his shoulders.

"Well, this is a first,"

Kanda opened his eyes and noticed that Allen had sneaked up on him and was now standing before him with a hand on his hip and the other holding a cancer stick. 

Kanda eyed the cigarette, clicking his tongue in annoyance, "you know those kill you right?"

Allen chuckled, "yeah, don't have to keep point out the obvious baka,"

"Che' seems like you do want an early grave then,"

"Aww did I hurt your feelings," Allen laughed, taking a drag from the cancer stick in his hand, moving closer to Kanda he blew the smoke in his face.

Kanda scowled, "try that again and I might just be willing to end you," 

He glared harshly at Allen, who shrugged in turn.

"I wouldn't mind dying by your hands. Saves me the hassle of dying by someone I don't like,"

Kanda watched Allen, seeing his white hair move as the breeze came once more, this time he hadn't tied it and was handing loosely past his shoulders. 

"Mmhm, I can see why you wanted to come out here. It's so quiet," Allen stated as he moved to lay against the wall beside Kanda.

"You shouldn't listen to Chaoji,"

Allen turned to him, "I don't," 

"Then?"

"But that doesn't mean what he says holds weight,"

"..."

Allen laughed out, looking up at the gloomy sky above him, "I try not to let it get me down, but that's not always the case. Sometimes he steps over the line, like earlier, and I just want to...end it ya know. I want it to stop. I want everyone to see me as me and not a vessel harboring the Fourteen, Ha! Not even the Noah treat their family like trash,"

Kanda stayed quiet not knowing what to say. He was never really a people's person so he never knew what to say and when to say something. 

"Hey, Yu,"

"Hm?" 

"Are you willing to betray the Order?" 

Kanda sighs, he moved his head to look up at the sky thinking. 

Is he? Is he willing to betray the Order? Well, it certainly would make Alma happy for what they did to both of them. 

Pushing himself off the wall he cranked his head to one side, rubbing the back of it.

"It certainly would be fun watching their reactions," He said.

Allen let a laugh escape him, "yeah image Director Lvellie's reaction,"

Kanda chuckled, "Yeah that would be something, seeing as he already hates me for disappearing with Alma,"

"Oh yeah, I wasn't there to see his reaction when you came back," Allen pouted, "I blame the Fourteenth for that," he shrugged.

Kanda let out a chuckle, moving to step before Allen, "you really are something else, aren't ya short stack,"

"Hey! Don't call me short Bakanda," Allen pouted, bringing the cigarette to his lips but was stopped when Kanda grabbed his wrist. Taking the cigarette out of his hand, Kanda flicked it to the side, letting go of his wrist.

"Hey, now that's a waste,"

Kanda chuckled, "you smoking those are a waste," Kanda pointed out, "when did you start smoking them anyways, beansprout?"

"First, the name's Allen got it!" 

He pointed a finger at Kanda, letting out a sigh he slumps against the wall behind him, "I guess I started smoking them after Cross died," 

Kanda's eyes softened a bit not out of pity, no, but just sadness for the male before him.

"I started to keep his memory he loved smoking cigarettes everywhere we went and in the most dangerous situations as well. He loved it," Kanda watched as a small smile made its way to Allen's lips.

"Later it became a habit for escaping a way for me to relax and just be me. With every drag I take in it clears my mind and lets me... be free,"

Kanda could tell that a lot of weight was lifted from Allen's shoulders when he revealed the reason behind his smoking. It's never easy. Life is never easy. It has a way to always draw out the negative in everything positive. 

Kanda took a step forward, closer to Allen as he took him in. He didn't feel sorry for Allen because if he did Allen would be mad. He'd take it as pity and that's something he doesn't need right now, no, that's not what he needed. What he needed was someone to be there. Someone to listen to his doubts. Someone to just...understand.

"Hey, Yu,"

Kanda was dragged out of his thoughts by the sound of his name, paying attention to Allen he noticed that he was staring right back at him. Silver meeting steel.

Tilting his head to the side, "hm?"

"Thank you,"

"For what?" He asked confused.

Why was Allen thanking him?

"For being you," He smiled, "for being there for me,"

Kanda steps forward now towering over Allen, one hand on the wall holding his weight as the other was now moving a strand of white hair out of Allen's face, placing it behind his ear his scar showing.

"Kanda?"

"You know, a diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular." Kanda stated, eyes filled with emotion, "you're that diamond, Allen."

Allen's eyes widen, tears well up in them.

"I..." Allen starts, Kanda could see that there was a blush making its way to his pale cheeks.

"Can... um... can I hug you?" Allen asked, shyly.

Kanda eyed him for a second or two before a smile crept up to his lips.

"You don't need to ask, Allen." At Kanda's reply, Allen stood on his tones, bringing him into a tight, warm, comforting hug. Kanda wrapped his arms around his waist, placing his chin on his head. 

"Thank you," Allen whispered against Kanda's shoulder, grabbing the fabric, clenching it in his fist. 

Kanda hummed in response.

Maybe...just maybe Allen can finally find happiness.


	9. Good Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Please heed this warning, there will be mentions of suicide! Please be advised if this stuff makes you uncomfortable please read with caution.

Allen walked into the cafeteria where everyone was eating breakfast. He walked up to Jerry, smiling which in turn made Jerry very happy. 

"Hello, Allen."

Allen let out a small chuckle when he saw the happy expression on Jerry's face, "Hey, Jerry how's your morning?"

"Oh my boy, it's been exhausting but seeing you smile just made my day one hundred times better," 

"I'm glad," Allen whispered, "I have a question to ask,"

Jerry leaned his elbow on the counter in front of him, lowering his spatula to one side, "a question you say?" Allen nodded at the intrigued look on Jerry's face, "ask away then."

Allen sighed, leaning forward so only Jerry would be able to hear them. It's never too be careful, right? 

"Would you betray The Black Order for me?" 

Jerry's expression turned serious, he looked up eyeing Allen through his dark glasses, "I'd betray the world for you. You're like a brother to me Allen. I care more about you than some Order,"

Allen's eyes glazed over, wet with tears that threatened to fall. 

"I have something to say then please listen and make sure you choose carefully,"

"Whatever you have to say must be very important?"

Allen nodded. Jerry smiled pointing the spatula towards Allen, "I'll think about it. Now tell me, dear Allen."

Allen told him everything quietly. Everyone in the cafeteria was glaring at the two but when they saw Jerry's expression turn deadly and serious they knew something was up. Between them and Allen, Jerry never favored anyone, and seeing him favoring the _Noah_ made everyone's skin itch. Both from irritation and jealousy.

"Allen listen to me and listen carefully," Jerry's voice had risen when Allen stepped back. They could see that both men were serious about something but no one knew why Jerry had the reaction he did.

"I don't even need to think twice about this," Jerry stated, "I'll do it."

"Are you sure?" Allen asked hesitantly. 

Jerry hit him on the head with the spatula, "ow!" Allen yelled out rubbing his head.

"Don't even ask me that! Of course, I'm serious baka!" 

Allen chuckled, smiling brightly. 

"Thank you," He muttered.

Jerry watched him as his heart started to fill with joy. He loved Allen like his own brother and if anyone were to hurt him he'd make sure to end them. Not to mention give them the worse portions he has stored away. Just imagine the horror of someone not tasting Jerry's amazing food when it's steaming hot but when it's cold and hasn't had its fill of flavors sprinkled in-Chaoji being one of those people who Jerry gives the worse portions he's got in store. 

"I'll see you tonight," Jerry waved Allen off. 

Allen went in search of one of the many abandoned rooms the Order had. Some of the rooms aren't ever used so he doesn't have to worry about being interrupted. Soon he stumbled upon a room that wasn't occupied or so he thought.

"Oi Moyashi what are you doing here?" 

Allen cursed under his breath, he knew that voice anywhere and that irritating nickname. 

"Baka I'm not short so stop calling me that!" Allen started walking inside the room, shutting the door behind him. 

"Che' so you say," Kanda smirked.

Allen rolled his eyes as silence fell around them. He noticed the room was just like the one he last used with a couch in the middle and a window behind it which was where Kanda stood beside his arms crossed over his chest and his focus on something outside the window. 

Allen sighed, walking towards the couch, plopping on it not so gracefully. He laid on his back, the cushions under him not, by all means, soft or fluffy but he'll take what was given to him. He placed both his hands on his stomach before closing his eyes. He could feel Tim flapping around the room, and above him. 

When he felt Tim land on his face he opened his eyes and blew at his golden friend. 

"Get off my face, Tim." He said to the golum, tiredly.

Tim stayed there for a while before finally flying off his face but stayed hovering before him.

"Hey, Yu."

"..."

Allen didn't hear any sound from Kanda but he knew he was listening, "I made my choice,"

"And?" Kanda asked, quietly.

Allen hummed as he watched Timcampt fly to where Kanda was standing. 

"I'm taking Road's offer," He stated. 

A few heartbeats went by and no sound was heard from Kanda. Then, not moving his gaze from the ceiling, Allen heard Kanda move and stand behind the couch where he finally moved his gaze, silver meeting steel. 

"I assume you've told Jerry then?" Kanda asked, petting Tim who was on his shoulder. The innocence wielder looked down at him, dark hair framing his face.

Allen smiled, "Yeah, he knows." 

"And what did he say?" Kanda asked, tilting his head to one side. Tim flew off his shoulder and went to sit on the on Allen's stomach.

"He said he's in," 

Kanda stayed silent just watching Allen from where he was. He could tell that Allen had gone through so much yet he stayed strong even though everyone turned their backs on him. Shunned him. _Betrayed_ him. But he never gave up. Now he was finally going to have a real family that would stay by his side and never think about betraying him. 

Kanda reached out to the man below and caught a white strand of hair between his fingers. He played with it for a bit then released the stand before cupping Allen's cheek, softly like he was glass and with one harsh movement, he'd shatter into pieces. 

"Yu?" Allen watched the man above him carefully. 

Kanda didn't answer just started to move his thumb gently against the cheek he held as Allen's skin started to form goosebumps as he felt Kanda move his thumb close and close to his bottom lip.

"You know," Kanda started, moving his gaze from Allen's face to his eyes, "you amaze me, Allen."

"Yu," Allen said breathlessly as he felt Kanda's thumb rub against his bottom lip.

"Someone as kind-hearted, strong, courageous as you does not belong here. Someone who would risk his life for others shouldn't waste his time on people who don't deserve it and you," Kanda watched Allen's reaction when he talked, "You deserve the world and so much more Allen. I said it before and I'll say it again, whatever you choose to do I will be by your side. I will stay with you if only for a while more." 

Kanda watched as Allen's eyes filled with tears. Kanda moved his thumb back to caressing his cheek as Allen sat up, one arm holding him and the other gripping Kanda's arm. 

"Yu, I..." Allen stuttered as a blush made its way to his cheeks dusting them pink.

"Yu?" Allen gazed down feeling a shiver make its way down his body when Kanda started to play with his bangs that covered his eyes.

"Hm?

"Are...Are you sure about this?"

Kanda moved his hand so his fingers were under Allen's chin, moving it up so they could hold eye contact again.

"Yes," 

Allen searched Kanda's eyes for any lie anything that could tell him this was all fake but he found nothing but pure honesty in those steel eyes. 

Pushing up all the way, Allen brought Kanda into a comforting hug, gripping his exorcist jacket.

"You don't know what this means to me," Allen stuttered out. Kanda smiled, wrapping his arms around him tightly enough to tell Allen that he is here and listening.

"You know," Kanda started a mischievous smirk graced his lips, "now that I'm holding you like this I can see that you may be smaller than I thought,"

Allen laughed at the statement, lightly punching Kanda on his chest. Kanda maneuvered both of them so he was sitting on the couch, leaning against the armrest while Allen was sitting on his lap. His arms securely around Allen's waist to make sure to was getting the comfort he needed. 

"Kanda,"

"Yes, short stack?"

He felt another punch on his chest which made him chuckle.

"Thank you,"

Kanda pressed a kiss on Allen's temple, "anything for you, Allen."

...

Night came faster than anyone was expecting it to. All the scientists had been working day in and day out on cleaning many robots that Komui decided to make in order to help everyone. No one knew they would make a big mess until it was last minute. All the exorcists and that included many people who ignored, hated or made Allen's life miserable were all in the hallway leading to the outside. Something had triggered the Orders alarms and everyone was on standby. 

"It seems that there were two Noah spotted near the Order! Find them and eliminate them!" Director Lvellie announced. 

"Why can't we just send in the Noah instead? He could track down his traitorous family and dispose of them instead of us. There are here for him," Chaoji announced. 

"No, Allen may be a Noah we need him for the Ark," Link replied. 

Chaoji narrowed his eyes on Allen who ignored his stare. 

Suddenly a crash was heard and an explosion from inside the Order. Laughing and arguing could be heard from behind everyone. 

"Well, well if this isn't a lovely place sorry to have to burn it down now," 

"Noah! Dispose of him!" Lvellie commanded and every exorcist moved except two and a certain cook. 

"Ah, Ah," The Noah summoned tease and were now surrounding him, making everyone stop in their tracks. 

"I'm here for a certain someone or someone's and it would be great if no one got in my way," The Noah smiled.

"Tykiiii~ Where are theyI'm already bored," A smaller Noah came from an open door right behind the older Noah. And by just one look everyone knew who the smaller Noah was instantly. 

"Road, what are you doing here?" Lenalee asked her innocence already active. 

"My what an annoyance, hm...I'm here to collect what is ours and extras if you don't mind,"

"Collect? Extras? Who?" Lavi asked. 

"Road, Tyki was that really necessary?" Allen walked up to them, everyone froze in place as they watched Allen and the Noah exchange words like it was nothing.

"Allllennnn~ There you are! You ready?" 

"Ready for what? Mr. Walker, what is the meaning of this?" Director Lvellie asked in anger. 

Allen turned to him and sighed, "The Noah offered me an offer I can't refuse," he simply stated. 

"I knew you were scum! A nobody! You turn your back on the Order!?"

"Che'" Kanda walked forward and everyone started to pale as he stood beside Allen, making the Noah smile widen even more, "he never betrayed the Order to begin with it was you all who _betrayed_ him first!" 

"Lies!" An exorcist yelled out.

"Believe what you will," Kanda started, clearly annoyed by everyone, "Jerry if you don't move your butt I'll unleash Mugen on you,"

"Hold up! I had to pack everything sheesh how will I cook for Allen if I didn't have my equipment," 

"what the hell?" Lavi started. 

"Why? Why are you doing this? Why Allen? Kanda? Jerry? WHY?" Lenalee cried. 

"Why you ask," Tyki smirked, "Did you ever wonder what you all did to Allen? Did you notice that this child was about to take his life many times over and over again? Didi, you notice his pain whenever he stepped foot anywhere? How tired and exhausted he had become? DID YOU?" The Noah screamed. 

"NO, you didn't. You never once asked him if he was fine instead you kept reminding him of how much of an orphan he was. How he lost everything by risking everything for everyone. And not once did any of you even thank him or even batted an eye at him! And you!" Tyki pointed at Choaji, "You abused Allen almost every day! Told him he was nothing and just a mere tool, a pawn to be used for the Order! Told him how his Master died because of him! How dare you? How dare you even hurt this child! He had sacrificed more than you all could ever compare! He saved your crew and yet this is the thank you give him, by breaking his bones and almost driving him to kill himself!" Tyki was frustrated and so angry. He was angry as to why someone as sweet as Allen could be hurt this way. How anyone could allow it. 

"Tyki," Road watched as her uncle hissed at everyone in anger on Allen's behalf. She turned her gaze to Allen and she could see that his perfect mask was breaking slowly. Kanda noticed as well and held Allen's hand, squeezing it. 

"Y-You lie...he wouldn't...we..." 

"No, he's telling the truth," Allen finally spoke. "And now I bid you all farewell," Allen squeezed Kanda's hand back as he, Kanda, Jerry, Tyki, and finally Road walked through the door that Road had opened and disappeared from the Order. 

Allen could tell that there were transported to a place much like his own Ark but a bit darker. 

"This way," Tyki waved for them to follow and they did. They stopped in front of a large door as Tyki turned around with a sad smile on his face, "Allen know this, we Noah never betray our own and will never turn our backs on you. If someone ever hurts you again we will make sure they live a hellish life," he smiled, walking over to Allen and ruffling his hair up a bit, making him pout. 

Road opens the door to what could be seen as a dining room, the table stacked with food as laughter and yelling were heard and many Noah was seen around the table. 

"Welcome home, Allen." 

Allen's eyes teared up, his mask shattering to millions of pieces, and a smile as bright as the sun made its way to his lips.

"Whooohooo! Who wants some of Jerry's special?" Everyone raised their hands and laughed. 

Kanda moved to stand before Allen, smiling and placing a kiss on his rosy lips, soft and gentle. 

"You're finally home, Allen."

Allen shook his head, smiling so wide for the first time since Kanda helped him. He felt happiness and love flow through him.

"No, Yu we're home,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bad ending will be written next so make sure to grab some tissues and a blanket because it will be heartbreaking. 
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> Know that the next chapter is the last and final update for this book.


	10. Bad Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be song lyrics in this chapter. The song is "14th Melody" english cover by Amalee.
> 
> Please read the note at the end.

**~Bad ending~**

️ _ **Warning: There will be mention of dark themes such as suicide and implied mental health. Read at your own risk**_  
*****  
Thinking.

That's what Allen was doing since it's the last day to give his answer to Road. To leave this hell or to stay. He knew his answer although he couldn't bear the thought of ever going through with it. He didn't want to be like everyone else.

A liar.

A _betrayer_.

He didn't want that not one bit but...what could he possibly do?

**_"It's not like they need you anyway. You're just in the way."_ **

A voice Allen knew all too well. Ever since Choaji started to mentally and physically abuse him the Fourteenth has made it his mission to twist his mind with dark thoughts and feelings.

_"Shut up! You don't know anything!"_

**_"Child I have been in your mind. Seen what_ ** **_you've_ ** **_been through and yet you still think I know nothing?_ ** **_That's_ ** **_as laughable as your useless life right now."_ **

_"N-No. Just-Just stop please, stop it,"_ Allen's lip quivered, holding his head, fingers not so kindly grasping his white locks in a desperate attempt to stop the voice.

**_"I bet even Kanda and Jerry_ ** **_find_ ** **_your existence unbearable! Ha! They are probably using you."_ **

_"No, no, no! Kanda and Jerry would never do that!"_

**_"So emotional geeze jump off a cliff for all I care. You could choose to accept the truth or ignore it up you. Just know that if I had a body I'd kill you in a heartbeat."_ **

The voice vanished, leaving Allen alone with tears heavily streaming down his cheeks. The Fourteenth would only pop up when he was about to do something very drastic but when people are around he could feel the voice of the Fourteenth fade away but just when he's sad he'll feel him resurface.

Allen sighed, feeling drained, and was now exhausted. He saw Tim fluttering towards his and landing on his shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if to say 'I'm here for you.'

Allen smiled sadly knowing full well that without his little friend he'd never make it this far. That also includes Kanda and Jerry both of who helped him more than any of the Order has ever.

"Time to give my response to Road." Allen said aloud. He walked out of his room and made his way towards the exit of the Order.

Early in the morning, he made sure Timcampy sent everyone in the Order a message to meet up right outside the exit at noon, which he felt was creeping closer and closer.

He could see the exit of the Order approaching with every step he took. Fingers twitching slightly for the chance to have the cancer stick between his fingers, breathing in the smoke that would fill his lungs up, feeling everything fade away the instant he blew out. Smoking calmed him down. At first, it wasn't for himself but rather the memory of his mentor Cross but now, after everything he's been through, well it just turned into his way of coping. To forget and be free for once only if it was for a short time.

Pushing the big dark-colored doors open, he stepped outside just as a small breeze hit his face. He breathed in the morning air. He asked if Timcampy could show him the time and he smiles sadly.

Eleven fifty.

"Seems the time is creeping nearer and nearer. I wonder how everything will turn out after this?" Allen questioned himself.

As much as he didn't want to think about it he knew only two people at the Order will miss him. It really wasn't a question of who they were.

He was grateful for all they have done for him. He wished it could turn out differently but knew that it couldn't. He was damned from the very start. 

_Falling fast asleep_

_May this little boy find blissful dreams_

Everything he ever learned, felt, and experienced came rushing through him. Allen was filled with emotions that not only he felt but also the hatred the fourteenth within him felt. The anger, pain, and betrayal. 

_Among the ash and the flames that light up the night sky_

Allen gazed up at the dull clouds that painted the sky. In only a few minutes everything will all turn out the way _they_ wanted. Speckles of water graced his skin, closing his eyes against the cold shower rain that had just started. 

_One by one, falling softly_

_With your silhouette_  
_Casting shadows of your lovely face_

_I watched the sky as a million dreams are shining_  
_Little dreams, little dreamer_

Almost time. Allen could hear the many footsteps of people making their way towards him. As the rain started to pour down much faster he could tell that whatever may happen in the next few moments will be...unbearable. 

"Oh look it's the traitor," He could hear Choaji say out loud. Allen turned to glance over his shoulder noticing that almost all the exorcists and the science department were there. 

Director Lvellie came forward with a glare, "what is the meaning of this Mr. Walker?"

Allen turned forward, a sad smile made its way on his lips. Looking forward he replied carefully, "we are still waiting for two more people,"

"Who? everyone from the Black Order is here."

A door appeared behind Allen and two Noah walked out. One small with purple spiky hair, wearing a white dress with long purple and pink socks, holding an umbrella. The other tall wearing something more casual has dark wavy hair the same color as the younger one. 

"N-Noah!" Chaoji yelled out. Everyone was on edge now. The exorcists all activated their innocence except for one person in particular. 

"We didn't come here to fight nor do we want to associate ourselves with the likes of you," the male Noah stated, looking bored at the group. 

"Yeah Tyki is right! We came here to get an answer from Allen," The smaller Noah replied.

Tyki sighed looking down at his niece, "Road it'll be better if you hadn't said that,"

Road stuck her tongue out then her whole posture turned serious. 

_Within the tender night, your silver eyes were trembling_  
_That moment you shined pure, born anew into this world_

"What is the meaning of this Mr. Walker? Have you turned traitor?" One of the scientists asked. Everyone's attention turned back to Allen who was standing quietly with his golum resting on his head. 

"Road, Tyki stop intimidating them already," Allen stated, sighing as he turned around his mask broken and his emotions showed.

Everyone gasped when they saw the hollowness in his eyes. The once bright emotion that was there was gone, vanished before everyone's eyes, and now stood someone of their former selves. Hollow. Empty. 

_Across a million years, time has brought us here_  
_Our prayers burn into the Earth back where they shall return to time_

"Allen? Wh...What's going on?" Lenalee asked looking very concerned. 

Allen's gaze met hers and she almost whimpered from the emptiness in those silver eyes. 

"Now you decide to care? When my mask has finally cracked you finally decided to _worry?_ " Allen let how a harsh laugh.

"wh...what?"

"Has it ever occurred to you why I'm hardly ever seen around the Order? Why I rarely. almost never, eat where eyes can see me? Why whenever I come back from every mission Komui sends me on I don't utter a single word? Has it?" Allen asked. 

"What are you talking about?" Lavi pointed out. 

"So you really never noticed have you?" Allen harshly asked, voice as sharp as ice. 

"..."

"Well let me enlighten you all. Let's start when the fourteenth awoke within me, I was not responsible for what had occurred it was not my _choice_ to be the host of the fourteenth but no one listened to me, did they? They assumed that because I have a Noah inside of me it makes me a Noah, how wrong can you be. Oh and by the way said Noah has a name, _Nea_ so don't compare me with that monster understand?"

Road and Tyki froze at the last statement, "the only reason I call him a monster is that he is mentally unstable his mind is scattered, broken. He doesn't know what's right anymore. He wants his own death and mine with it."

"Oh Allen," Road could be seen with tears in her eyes. 

_I will never stop this prayer leaving my lips_

"All I wanted was a family. A place where this cursed arm and this cursed scar won't define who I am." Allen lowered his gaze, "that was just wishful thinking huh. Nothing in this word can occur without the suffering of others and in this case my _suffering._ "

_Someone please show this child what love is_

"Why would we take any of your words seriously? You are a damned Noah and have called the Noah so you could join them!" Chaoji screamed, hands in fists and his eyes filled with hate that promised death. 

Allen moved his gaze up, "Is that what you think? Do you see me as nothing more than a _traitor_? As an object, you can bend to your will?" He asked. 

Suddenly laughter, empty as can be was hear. Allen covered his face with his hand a sinister smile on his lips.

"What's so funny scum!" 

"What's funny is you think you can control me? You all think that because I don't put up a struggle that's just your chance to use me as you wish," Allen sighed, "I have been beaten, used, discarded, threatened, and much more since I knew how the breath. You really think you're useless attempts can hurt me? That they have an effect on me? Ha! The damned ringmaster was more, how should I say, _persuasive_ than any of you were!" 

The two Noah looked pale as did most of the Order.

"Worst of all I was a child with nothing! No name, no memories Nothing!" 

_Take those tiny hands and leave a kiss_

"Wanna know what my 'name' originally was?"

"Your name is Allen!" Lenalee yelled, trying to make a point. 

Allen narrowed his eyes at her, "no."

She tensed, wide-eyed.

"My name was Red. The color of my arm. The color of my hair. The color of blood."

_Falling fast asleep_  
_May this little boy find blissful dreams_

"I have been pushed around all my life and when I finally thought I found a family it was ripped out of my grasp. Then I found another person who could care for me, who even on the surfaced didn't show it cared enough to take me in. Marian Cross was the one who helped me, gave me a purpose to live, and filled that ache in my heart." Allen's voice lowered, "and now he's gone."

"That was your fault!" 

Allen tensed, "I guess it was."

"Mr. Walker I demand you explain what is happening here!" The Director looked impatient.

"Listen closely,"

_One by one, falling softly_

_With your silhouette_  
_Casting shadows of your lovely face_

Allen turned to Road and Tyki sadly smiling, "I want you to tell the Earl I am sorry but I refuse his offer. I can't bring myself to go through with it even if it can save my life. I just...can't." Tim flapped off Allen's head fluttering towards Road who held up her palms open for the golden golum could sit in her hand. "Take care of him, please. Show the Earl the memories Tim holds and tell him I forgave him," Tears made their way down Roads cheeks. Tyki looked at the boy before him with sadness, eyes filling with wetness. 

"Allen, what is happening?" Tyki asked.

_I watched the sky as a million dreams are shining_  
_Little dreams, little dreamer_

Allen just smiled sadly and turned his attention to the samurai hidden behind a few of the scientists.

"Yu,"

Kanda made his way towards Allen standing right before him. Towering over him. Allen smiled and reached up, placing a hand on his cheek.

Everyone watching as they all held their breath. 

"I am sorry for everything. Know that you saved me from my demons when I needed you the most. You are more precious to me than my own life," Allen whispered. Kanda's eyes grew wide, water-filled them almost immediately. Kanda grabbed Allen's wrist gently and firmly.

"Don't," was all Kanda could utter before Allen placed a kiss on his lips to silence him. Allen parted their lips he brought Kanda's head against his. Tears running down both their cheeks. 

"Please," Kanda begged. 

Allen looked deep into steel eyes and smiled, "I love you," 

_Within the tender night, your silver eyes were trembling_  
_That moment you shined pure, born anew into this world_

A moment of silence passed between the two. Only them yet the moment left as soon as it came. Allen pushing away from Kanda slowly. 

Kanda had his eyes cast downwards.

_Across a million years, time has brought us here_  
_Our prayers burn into the Earth back where they shall return to time_

"Jerry?" Allen shouted. He noticed Jerry push his way through everyone which made Allen smile. As he stood before Allen huffing he grabbed him, pulling him into a hug. 

"Allen, please! No please don't," The man sobbed in his shoulder. Everyone in the group was so confused. First Kanda, after hearing his first name made no comment to correct Allen, and second, they saw them exchange a kiss. Third, Jerry was sobbing uncontrollably in Allen's shoulder and no one knew why. 

"What's happening?" Director Lvellie demanded. 

Allen stood silent arms around the man he had come to think of as a father figure. 

"Know that I always will and forever love you. You are like a father figure to me and I am sorry that it has come to this." Allen whispered to Jerry which made his break down even more. Sobbing loudly. 

Allen moved away from the hug watching Jerry fall on all fours crying his heart out. 

_I will never stop this prayer leaving my lips_

"Road, Tyki please take care. You are like siblings that I never had. Please take care of Yu and Jerry," 

Road sobbed hugging the golden golum to her chest while Tyki wrapped his arms around his niece, shoulders shaking. 

_Someone please show this child what love is_

Allen walked until he met the edge of the Orders cliff. He turned around smiling sadly as he watching the one person he gave his heart to break down. Tears staining his cheeks, eyes filled with sadness and despair. 

"I love you Yu," A whimper left the mans lips, "Goodbye,"

_Take those tiny hands and leave a kiss_

Allen took a step backward and fell off the cliff. 

"ALLEEEN!" 

_Until we meet again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Empty. I want to let you know that it was a rollercoaster writing this book. And I hope you enjoyed it even the sad parts. I cried writing this update.


End file.
